My very mean fantasy...

A friend of mine (unpregnant at the time) was once wearing a fashionable high waisted dress to a jewelry show and a customer asked her if she was pregnant. She was horrified and asked, "Why would you say that?" The poor woman, probably realizing that she couldn't dig herself out of this one, stammered out, "I'm sorry! You seemed to be sticking out your belly so proudly!" My friend burst into tears instantly, and then repeatedly, throughout the whole day. The woman customer probably didn't have a great day either!

Conversely, several years later, I saw a casual friend/acquittance who had, since I'd see her last, sprouted an impressive baby bump, probably eight months pregnant. Brimming with happiness I ran over to her and said, "How are you!?!" But then I paused. Even though she was very obviously pregnant I was still paralyzed by that very very small chance that perhaps...perhaps...well she could have gained twenty pounds spontaneously and be carrying it all in her belly...or she could have humongous uterine cysts...or terrible stomach tumors! I was speechless and unable to say a thing and so she uttered, "Fine, how are you?" and there we stood for a minute or two and then one of us politely excused ourselves from the awkwardness and that was that.

Perhaps because of those two experiences I have harbored this malicious and yet giggle-inducing fantasy since I found out that I was pregnant. In the daydream someone I know but don't know well notices my belly bump and ventures to ask me if I'm expecting. I stare at them for a moment and then drop my gaze dramatically down to my bulging midsection. After a painfully long time I lift my widened eyes and furrowed brow and say dejectedly, "What? Why would you say that?" Imagining their startled faces as their worst fears come true is guaranteed to make me laugh.

Unfortunately, I am nice. Too nice says Jack. So only a fantasy it remains and will forever remain. However, I am constantly struck by how outspoken people (strangers!) are in pointing out my pregnancy, especially because I am still at the stage where I ask Jack sometimes, "Do I look pregnant or just fat?"